Just Zim
by Panduh-Fox-love
Summary: Zim's PAK is injured by Dib. Now things are happening he doesn't understand. What are these feelings? Hurt by the Tallest, enraged at the Control Brains. He's no longer Invader Zim...he's just Zim. And Zim picks a side.
1. Combustion ahead!

I haven't written anything in like forever, but I really needed to get this out. So here it is, review if you can and please don't be mad if I can't update as soon as you (and I) would like. High school, college, and a job, and a social life is a lot to do. Expect more once Skool is over.

If you don't like ZaDr, don't read.

-Zim-

The world seemed to spin as the ship dived, the ray missing the hull by mere inches. Gir went flying past my face screaming and I felt a strong hand grip my waist. I twisted the handle once more, and we leveled out.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to calibrate the ship's gravity center to that of Earths….

After the spinning stopped, I took a deep breath of relief. I head a slight hiccup noise behind me.

"Don't throw up on me, stink-human." Dib's arms slowly released themselves from my waist and chair.

"I should say the same to you. Can your _one_ internal organ handle all this adventure?" I could practically hear his grin.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll just spontaneously combust or something." I smiled and veered towards the hulking ship above us.

Again, his hand was squeezing my shoulder. "We've got trouble!" The human yelled and pointed to three smaller ships coming straight at us.

"I can see that Dib!" I swore a few times in Irken and twisted the handle again, my thumb on the trigger.

I was about to fire at three Irken ships, right beneath the Armada. Dib in my ship. Us, the only thing floating between the Irkens…and Earth.

How did it get this way? It seems so long ago when this all started. The day I came to Earth, intending to lead this very armada here to destroy it. My one year in Skool before I got shipped with the rest of the stink humans to something called High Skool. It was three human years after I entered there, when I dropped the "Invader" from my name and became…just Zim.

How _did_ this happen?


	2. Defective?

Things had changed a little bit over the years. The biggest change started about a year ago when Dib almost died from something I did. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't feeling remorse, or maybe I was. I couldn't be sure, back then I didn't know what feelings were. There was an odd tingling in my squeedlyspooch as I saw Dib lying, unmoving, on the floor. There was human blood seeping into the ground.

I remember the moment so clearly. I was standing, just looking at him. I didn't have the energy to push the button that would bring about the downfall of the human race. I was just…staring. I remember every time, every fight we had. Every scratch and bruise and every attempt we both made to hurt or maim each other. But we always got out alright. Always.

Why was this time any different? He had relied too much on his human technology. He believed a simple shock to my PAK would be enough to disable me…but it wasn't. Somehow, I managed to abandon my post, my mission if only for a few days. I, the great Invader Zim, for some unknown reason, helped Dib. I took him to the hospital, of all places!

I could have left him to die. He thought I did too, and when he asked about it I blamed him being alive on Gir.

But the shock to my PAK had more of an effect then I had thought….

-Zim-

I ripped open the brown packaged box and shoved both my arms inside excitedly. Gir ran up behind me and grabbed a "package peanut" and started to play with it. I, being a mighty Invader, was more interested in what we acquired inside the box, nestled between the little white nuts (that I discovered a few weeks ago- WERE NOT EDIBLE! Except in Gir's case, and he can eat anything.) I pulled out the black box and held it up triumphantly.

"COMPUTER! Scan the box, is it in fact the device we need?" One hand was on my hip as I held it over my head. Although I had grown a bit during my extended time on Earth, I was still short compared to the Humans. In fact, the Dib-Stink was still at LEAST four inches taller than me. I was shocked out of my thoughts when the computer beeped.

"Affirmative. With a few tweaks, the human technology will be compatible with ours." I laughed and stuck out my tongue. Yes, I still do that, even though I am considered a "Sophmore" in High Skool, which apparently requires a higher maturity level.

"Great! Let us get to work on my new amazing plan to enslave mankind!" I darted out of the room, leaving Gir to his box of non-edible peanuts.

The computer made a human-like sound, almost a harrumph. "What, not even a thank you?"

"COMPUTER!" I yelled over my shoulder. There was no response. I peeked my head into the room and looked at the ceiling, a tangle of wires. "Thank you." I small-smiled and tried to suppress a chuckle as the computer sighed.

"I will begin re-routing for the power source."

"Gir!" I yelled, still clutching the black box to my chest. The robot squealed and rolled in the brown box, disappearing from view. I tilted my head and lifted an antenna curiously. "…Once your done, go get the stereo equipment we discussed, okay?"

"OOKKKAAAYYY!" Gir shouted, his small head popping up before once again disappearing into a sea of white nuts. A few flew out and bounced off the floor.

Tonight was going to be fun! And since Irken's don't sleep, I was going to be up all night working on a way to destroy the humans while they all slept peacefully in their bed. I believe that was called irony. Or maybe it was just funny.

As I was working in my lab, probing the small box with superior Irken tools, I felt an odd sensation in my spine. I twisted my back and went back to work. The sensation didn't go away. It was like goo, flowing upwards through my back, now up into my neck. I rolled my shoulders and attempted to ignore it and continue with my work. I shivered and shook my head as my vision blurred. I set the tool down and blinked curiously, about to run a diagnostic on myself when the feelings went away. All was well again.

I continued to work on my masterful plan.

-Zim-

Everything was normal, well as normal as they could be being an alien invader on Earth. Three years on earth, and I had finally come up with the perfect plan. A plan so secret and devious that even Dib wouldn't be able to stop me. And it was about time too. My plan was so close to being completed, and I wanted the Tallest to watch as Earth came crashing down. They would be so proud, and I would finally get the credit I deserve, and the forgiveness for messing things up during project Impending Doom 1.

I stood and took a deep breath in front of the black screen as the "call" went through. After a few moments, Tallest Red and Purple where on the screen, looking bored.

I smiled at them and tried to retain some of my excitement, although not very well. "Great Tallest! I have devised an audio controlling device for the humans, and I can use their own radio towers to disperse it!" Tallest Purple raised an antenna in curiosity. "YES! I will use a variety of sound waves to infiltrate their brains! It is ingenious! And you, my great all-knowing Tallest, will be able to watch as I destroy this world!"

The two tall leaders looked at each other. They probably remembered us being smeets together. After all, the three of us went on our first mission together! They can't possibly resist-

"No way on Irk, Zim." What? I blinked in surprised.

"W-why?" Oh god I did not just stutter.

The tallest glanced at each other again. Finally, Red stepped up. "Zim, it's been years since you've landed on that planet, and no progress has been made so far." I narrowed my eyes at him. I am the mighty Invader Zim, and I knew something wasn't right.

"My tallest, you sent me here for an important mission concerning operation Impending Doom 2! You don't even want to see-"

"WE SENT YOU THERE TO GET RID OF YOU ZIM!"

"Red-"

"It's time he knew. I'm tired of listening to him blab on and on!" my blank eyes stared at the screen. What did he say? Something felt wrong, was my PAK malfunctioning? I couldn't breathe right...

Red stared at me harshly. "Let me make this simple for you and your DEFECTIVE brain. YOU are NOT an invader anymore! We. Sent YOU. TO that planet. Because. We. Don't. Want. You." He scowled. "I'm blocking you from the system. If you come back, we gave the orders to shoot on sight. You should have been exterminated at birth Zim! And every time we try to get rid of you, you keep coming back! YOU ARE DEFECTIVE."

There was a strange buzzing noise in my brain and my antenna twitched.

"Wha-"

Tallest Red continued. "WE LIED okay!" He threw his arms in the air. "Don't you get it? You got a defective PAK! You can't connect to the Control Brains, and you were never meant to survive this long anyway! Stay. There. Or you will be exterminated."

Black fuzz filled the screen and static filled the air. The transmission was cut off. They were gone. I waited, standing there. Minutes passed, but there was no return message. No laughter, no joking smiles. Nothing.

It hit me like a truck. The air was sucked out of me and I tumbled to the ground in a heaping mess. My eyes stung, my squeedlyspooch twisted inside out. I gasped and clutched my abdomen, eyes wide. I remember seeing the metal floor become fuzzy. My body was heaving, shaking by itself. I had no control.

I tried not to think about what just happened, but I couldn't. They lied to me, all this time. They've been trying to get rid of me. Am I not a good enough invader? I'm…a defective? No, that can't be possible. Defectives are…stupid! Irresponsible, inferior, drooling! And those are the ones that lived past their tenth year on Irk.

I can't be…Defective?

There was something wrong with me?

Was I…crazy? Wrong?

I have no place there. No place…anywhere.

The pain racked my body and I screamed. I don't know why, but it felt right. I kept looking at my chest, trying to find a stab wound or something, anything that would explain this. Irkens don't have feelings, it's not possible! We don't feel pain, guilt, love, even hate-

Maybe I was defective.

I lay on the floor in a ball, watching the floor spin. My body kept shaking, heaving in itself. My eyes stung so much and I felt something on my face. I cried out again, squeezing my eyes shut and curling in closer to myself. The agony was too much. I wanted to die.

I lay on the floor, my thoughts sporadic and unusual. I couldn't even think straight.

I lay there for hours.

-Zim-

Eventually, my eyes found the clock. It was two o'clock…in the afternoon. I had missed school. I stumbled up on numb legs and stood. Where was I going? What was I going to do? I felt the wetness on my face again when I realized I had nothing left. I struggled to breathe and remain standing. I was an Irken! I can't just…fall apart. My hand found its way to my cheek and I examined the moisture.

Was I…crying? That hasn't happened to an Irken in….centuries! Since our species developed the PAKs! I glanced over my shoulder at mine. Was it really defective? The PAKs were supposed to stop all nuero activity that lead to the feeling of emotions. I had never realized it, but the hate I felt for Dib was a sign…

I blocked all thoughts from my mind as I made my way upstairs, and was surprised to have Gir tackle me. His arms wrapped around my stomach as he squealed.

"Master! IM MAKING WAFFLES! Want some?" He looked up at me with bright blue eyes. I sniffed and smiled, whipping away some of the wetness from my face.

I chuckled weakly. "Y-yeah, I do."

The SIR unit blinked and clutched my shirt with his hand, looking worried. "Master? You're leaking!" His eyes grew wide comically. "YOUR LEAKING! AHHHHHHH! MASTER'S GONNA DIIEEEEEEE-"

I swiftly picked him up and held my hand over his screaming mouth, squeezing him into my chest. "Gir! I'm FINE! God, you're annoying."

He twisted around to look and smile at me once he was done screaming. "I love you too Master!"

Gir jumped out of my arms and started humming, making waffles as promised. The small smile was on my face as I watched him. He was an idiot. He was a useless minion who couldn't do anything right. He was also the only one I had. The only thing I had left to stay for.

Again, my thoughts began to stray in the wrong direction. I shook my head and went to sit down on the couch, for lack of anything better to do. I couldn't continue with my plan, because whether I liked it or not this was my home now. I couldn't destroy earth; I had no where left to go anyway. I noticed tears streaming down my face again, but ignored them. I glanced into the kitchen at Gir again. If it wasn't for him being here, I might have just terminated myself. But he needed someone to look after him, someone Irken who could fix him if he gets hurt. I watched Gir bustle around and fell back on the huge couch, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling. What would I do now…?

Well, I always had homework…


	3. The homework of DOOM

-Zim-

I missed school the entire week after the news of my defectiveness. I knew I couldn't show weakness, but I needed time to recover. I discovered this when Gir and I went to the store to buy something and I began crying without even realizing it. Of course if I was a real invader I wouldn't have this 'emotion' problem at all, and I would have adapted quickly to living on earth. Then again if I didn't have these emotions I wouldn't be in this situation at all.

I distracted myself by doing homework, as I was now. I was scribbling down an answer to the math question when, out of the corner of my eye I saw a movement by the window. I sighed and looked to Gir, who was watching a TV show about a monkey or something. "Gir? Did you leave the window open again?" It was a little chilly anyway, considering I had taken off my long sleeved under-shirt and my gloves. Gir hummed for a moment before nodding. I rolled my eyes and turned back to my homework. "Hey Stinky, you know there's this thing called a 'door'! It's an amazing invention really-"

I heard a sigh as Dib dropped from the ceiling. He folded his arms and came up behind me. "So what evil plan are you working on this week?"

I didn't even look at him as I continued with the problem. "Yeah, I'm going to take over the world with the power of problem-solving. I'll put an X on every government base and then I can find it…"

Surprisingly, Dib chuckled. "Oh my god when did the ALIEN get a sense of humor?" I repressed a small smile and scribbled some more. I heard a shuffling and a pile of papers landed on my desk. This time, I did turn around and stare at Dib. He grinned evilly. "Mrs. Bitters wanted me to give this to you. More homework."

I groaned and slammed my head on the table. "Stupid inferior human math!" I opened my eyes and stared at the wood. "How am I supposed to do anything besides work at Mcmeaties if I can't even do a simple math problem…?" I added in Irken.

Dib blanched. "Did you just, speak in a different language?"

I slowly sat up and stared at him incredulously, one antenna cocked. "And I thought you were smart. What are the chances that an alien race, thousands of light years away, will not only look humanoid but also speak English?"

This was the first conversation we had that wasn't filled with venom and hate. Well, besides the occasional comment. I was simply drained with all the recent trauma, and apparently with me not doing anything deadly, Dib had no reason to be insulting either.

Dib rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah you've made your point."

I turned back to the homework and began flipping through the pages. "You may leave now. I can assure you I'm not currently working on destroying the world, the only thing I'm doing is stupid homework!" I said the last work in Irken, spitting it out of my mouth like a poison. To a human, it probably sounded something like "Bashkla!" but with a click in the middle.

Dib started. "Well, you've been gone for a week! How can I be sure you're telling the truth?" To my dismay, he seated himself across from me at the table. I was about to turn out some snarky and impressive insult out of annoyance when Gir or all people spoke.

"Master hasn't even gone into the lab this week! He's been stayin' up here wit meeee!" Gir jumped up animatedly and rushed over to us, once again grabbing the end of my shirt and staring at Dib. "He took me to the park and we went exploring the city again and THEN Master and I made food together!"

My eyes twitched. "Yes, bacon-y food." I scribbled some more, trying my best to ignore the human sitting at my table. In my base.

Gir nodded quickly. "Yeah yeah! And then Master got mad at me cuz I started to sing and I put soap in the pancakes…"

"You put…soap in pancakes?" Dib made an odd face. "That's a little odd, don't you think?"

Gir shook his head. "No! Me and piggy eat soap all day! OH YEAAHHHH PIGGY!" He then ran off somewhere and I stood up quickly.

"Gir! What did I tell you about the pig?"

I heard his voice echo into the room from somewhere else. "Piggy can't live inside cuz you don't love him…"

My eyes twitched and I sighed. "OUT Gir!" I heard his loud and obnoxious "AWWWWWWW" before sitting down and writing some more. "Now Dib-stink, is that all? Can you leave us in peace now?"

Dib leaned on his elbow and stared at me. "No. You're being suspicious, not coming to school and doing….stuff. I am the protector of earth, and I have to make sure you're not trying to destroy it!" I tried not to explode and stuff his big head in the garbage disposal.

"Doom doom doom doomy doom doom…" Gir began to sing and walk back into the room, covered in mud.

I glared at the robot. Last time I had heard that, it was over a period of six whole months, non-stop! "I hate you." I growled to my minion.

Gir just smiled at me. "I love you too Master!"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Dib threw his hands up and glanced from me to Gir and back. "He says I hate you and you say you love him? What the hell is-"

Gir was suddenly clutching my head and sitting on my shoulders. "That's Master's way of saying he cares 'bout me, right?"

The pencil snapped in half in my hand. "Gir I hate you get off my head and I CANT DO ANY WORK WITH YOU TWO BEING DISTRACTING!" I stood up quickly and stared at the TV, which was playing a Mcmeaties commercial. "IM GONNA END UP WORKING THERE MY WHOLE ENTIRE FREAKING LIFE!" I pointed at the TV threateningly.

"Awww Master needs some waffles!" Gir flew off my shoulders and began to work in the kitchen and I yanked on my antennas in frustration. Dib stared at me like I had gone crazy, which was probably true, but apparently I've always been crazy. It might have also been the fact that he'd never seen my bare arms and hands before. Three fingers and one thumb must look pretty weird to a pale skinned human.

"Do you need help?" I jumped and stared at the Dib-stink.

"What?"

"Do. You. Need. Help. With your homework? You missed a lot." I continued to stare at him. He bit his lip cutely, probably worried about my answer. I was more worried about why he was asking.

"….why?" My hands fell slowly from my antennas. Ouch.

"Because I'm bored and I can stay here and make sure you don't try to kill all humans and at the same time get some studying in for the test Monday…And you look like you need help."

I scrunched up my face. "There's a test Monday?" I threw out some Irken curses and pointed towards the door. "No help needed from you, Dib-stink. Leave." I sat down as Dib stood up. He began to walk towards the door quickly and I eyed the paper in front of me. There was a triangle with five other triangles inside. Two angles had degrees, but every other one had nothing written on them. And I was what, supposed to find the degrees of the other triangles? I sighed when I realized I was lost.

"Dib-stink." His footsteps stopped and I turned in my seat, throwing my legs on either side of the chair. I leaned forward and motioned for him to come back. He tilted his head questioningly, the little hair-antenna swishing to the side. "I require…assistance."

-Zim-

Three hours and a hundred waffles later, my head was resting on the table again, face down.

"Come on Zim! What are they?" I shook my head and groaned. All this work, I really did miss a lot! That and I've never cared about Skool before this week… "Zim! Answer, and we can take a break."

I sighed. "Okay: Angle-side-angle, side-angle-side, side-side-side, angle-angle-side, side-side-angle, angle-angle-angle-" My voice probably was muffled but he got it.

"No, angle-angle-angle doesn't guarantee congruence." Dib sighed and I peeked a glare at him from my spot on the table. He was smiling slightly, looking at me like I was hopeless. I growled slightly and stood up, stretching my arms.

"Yup, I'm done." I walked into the kitchen and began to shift stuff around in the fridge. I heard Dib following me.

"Done? We've got the weekend, only two days, and then the test! And you haven't been paying attention this whole freaking year." I stuck my head above the door and raised an antenna at him.

"Okay, the angle-angle-angle doesn't guarantee congruence. Now, I know." I stuck my hand back in the fridge. "It's not like finding whether angles are the same relates to real life. AT ALL."

"You don't know that." He caught the soda I threw at him and looked at it suspiciously.

I grabbed my own and slammed the door closed behind me. "Oh don't worry, it's defiantly poisoned. And I'm pretty sure I do know. I've lived at least three times longer than our incompetent teacher."

Dib rolled his eyes and popped open the soda. "Really? Well, things work differently here on Earth. How old are you anyway? You have all this technology to do things for you, and we-"

I spaced out, watching a bird on a tree limb. I felt oddly comfortable around Dib. He was…a constant factor in this life. And since I've lost everything else, I've found myself clinging to anything familiar. I wondered how it had gotten to this. We used to try to kill each other. Maybe it was when Dib stopped aiming for my chest and face and instead shot my weapons or my legs. Or when I began saving the earth, though it was for my own sake as well as the Earth's. Was it when I began borrowing video games from Gaz? Or maybe our funny though slightly insulting banter was gradually becoming…normal conversation?

"Zim?" I blinked and looked to Dib. I guess I spaced out longer than I had thought.

"What?" Dib rolled his eyes at me.

"Getting enough oxygen over there?"

"Wait, this is oxygen we're breathing?" My eyes grew wide. "That explains so many things!" I half whispered. No wonder science never made any sense to me, Irk has a different atmosphere! Half the things that work here don't work on Irk.

Dib was staring at me with that sad little smile on his face again. "You don't even know what you're breathing?"

I shrugged. My PAK is the thing that makes sure I'm alive, not breathing. Breathing is for humans. And besides, why would I care about Earth's atmosphere? I passed Dib and sat beside Gir on the couch, reaching over to steal a handful of popcorn from him. I felt Dib sit next to me. We watched some people fight over a piece of cheese wearing strange looking helmets. God, math was hard! I bet if I wasn't defective I would be better at it…What am I thinking? Pity? NO! I am Zim! Invader Zim! I can do anything a non-defective Irken can do!

"I didn't realize you were so bad at math Zim." He smiled evilly in my direction. Or maybe the evil part was just me seeing him as an enemy.

I glared at him and frowned. "I hate you." I turned back to the TV and there were a few seconds of silence, which I treasured. It was loud up here, out of the lab. And with Dib and Gir here, the loudness and annoyingness was multiplied tenfold. Besides, I just wanted to relax my brain…it really needed a break.

I heard Dib snickering and I glared at him. He smiled widely. "I love you too, Zim." It took me a second to catch up…Dib hearing Gir talk about…some random things. I really wasn't listening half the time anyway. My antenna twitched.

"Your big head would make a great lawn ornament." I grabbed another handful of popcorn and Dib blushed and smiled even wider.

"Which one?" Dib watched me mischievously. Which lawn? I only have one. Which what? Which ornament? Which head…? I could feel my face suddenly get a blue blush. I covered my mouth with my hand as my shoulders began to shake. Dib's expression turned to worry. "…Zim? Are you alright?"

I couldn't take it anymore. My mouth opened wide as I laughed loudly. I clutched my stomach and almost doubled over in laughter. It was one of those things where when you start laughing, you can't stop. My cheeks started to hurt and I felt tears prickle my eyes.

Dib was watching me with a wide open mouth. Slowly, the corners of his mouth turned up and he began to chuckle. It wasn't long before he was laughing too.

It was an amazing feeling, laughing. There was….a happiness that I hadn't felt before. Like everything was going to be okay, that being banished didn't matter. I was on the floor kneeling as I tried to take deep breaths, but at the same time I didn't want to stop. I hadn't felt this good since I destroyed the planet Chalzi, albeit by a fluke and stroke of luck. I had thought that destroying things, conquering, was the only thing that made me happy. In fact, it was the only thing that made any Irken happy.

My suspicions about the PAK grew stronger.

-Zim-

I ended up lying face down on the floor about an hour after Dib-Stink left. It was getting dark outside, and we had ended up studying for several hours! It was hard enough tolerating him for that long, but stuffing my brain with knowledge about numbers and triangles and lines made me want to explode. So I was lying on the floor, exhausted. Well, mentally anyway. I didn't really get exhausted physically, thanks to my PAK.

Before Dib left, I made sure to make one things clear. "This doesn't change anything, Worm-baby." I said as he stood at the door. The human just smiled and closed the door, watching me until the wood blocked his view.

Why did he smile? I groaned into the carpet. That human was really annoying! He didn't even say anything, just smiled! And he was staring at me A LOT! Although I can't really blame him, he's never seen my bare arms and hands before. Or seen me laughing. It doesn't happen very often, though I'm starting to wish it did. It was such an odd feeling…

This whole week was odd. Not only was I doing homework, but then Dib randomly comes over and helps? And then he makes me laugh? Talk about defective.

What did that smile mean anyway?


	4. Wasting time

-Zim-

The sun was barely rising as I rummaged around in the fridge. I had nothing else to do besides homework, so that's what I ended up doing all Friday night and Saturday morning. And my brain still hurt. I sighed out of boredom. I couldn't destroy the world, Dib and I weren't fighting for the fate of the Earth, and even my master plan was collecting dust downstairs. Frankly, I was bored. I pulled out a bag of chips and slammed the door shut. What was I supposed to do now? I decided to take it one step at a time and eat my chips.

It was eight in the morning when I realized Gir was gone. See, this is what I get for saying I was bored. I noticed him missing from the living room, and having nothing else to do I decided to look for him. At least his dog suit was still sitting by the door. He wasn't stupid enough to go out without it, right?

Right? The thought hit me and I frantically looked around, practically running around the whole house. I even yelled for him. Nothing. I asked the computer to find him, and it said Gir wasn't in the house.

He'd gone outside. Somewhere.

I used my PAK to call him as I sat on the kitchen table. There was no answer and I even started to panic a little bit. Where had he gone, without his disguise? Did he think I wouldn't notice? He can do what he wants, as long as he doesn't get caught and expose both of us!

It's not like I was worried for his safety. Despite the fact I knew the humans would end up dissecting and taking Gir apart bit by bit…

"Master?" I heard his voice coming out of the mic by my ear. I had updated the microphone to be less…big and obvious. Now it looked like a blue tooth, though Gir could still see me on his side.

I jumped up quickly. "GIR! WHAT ON IRK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WHERE ARE YOU? COME HOME RIGHT NOW I SWEAR-" I heard him whimper and shut my mouth, biting my lip like the Dib-monkey. I sighed and tugged my antenna, wincing slightly. "I'm sorry for yelling. Look, where are you? You know you can't go outside without your disguise on Gir."

"I'm at big-headed human's house!" I blinked stupidly. Why would he-

"Gir, why are you at Dib's house?"

"WHOA!" I winced as I realized if Dib was there, he can see and hear me. "YOU JUST CALLED ME BY MY NAME!"

"Shut up worm-baby. Gir, come home right now."

"He can't, we're playing Pigs of Doom." And that was Gaz's voice. I sighed and pulled on my antenna again.

"Why do you keep pulling on that antenna thingy?"

I ignored Dib-stink "Gir, you do realize we're on the enemy's planet? You cannot go anywhere without your disguise. Now come home, you're safety is more important that a stupid video game." I bit my lip again as I realized what I said. "I mean, if they catch you then they catch me and our mission will fail! Do you want our mission to fail?" I yelled animatedly.

"Awww Master, I'm sorry for worrying you. I'll come home now."

Again, Dib felt the need to say something. "Uhhh I feel like its my duty to point out he still doesn't have his disguise…and you want him to walk home?"

Although he does have a good point. I sighed and pulled on my gloves. "Alright Gir, I can't believe I'm saying this but do not under any circumstances leave Stinky's house. Understand?"

"Okaaaiii Master!"

Yeah, Gir's going to forget the minute he stops talking to me. I sighed again. Why do I have to get stuck with the defective SIR robot? Oh wait… "Stinky, don't let Gir leave."

"Alright Zim, but you owe me." Dib paused. "Information wise. I get the answers to…five questions!"

"One."

"Three!"

"Fine! Gir, stay put!"

"Bring back my video game Zim." Gaz spoke up again.

Oh yeah, I borrowed some kind of portable game system with a small man shooting things. "Do you want the Mods I made?"

"What kind?"

"Just some weapons to help you get past the final level." I smirked as she exploded.

"You got past the final level? That's impossible! The boss-" I abruptly cut off the signal and shoved on my boots. Of course of all places Gir would wander to it would be the worm-baby's house. Then again, it was kind of lucky it was his house, any other and they would probably call the police on him and get him dissected. I grabbed Gir's suit and opened the door before I realized I myself didn't have my disguise on. I sighed and turned around, heading back inside.

-Zim-

The trip to Dib's was uneventful, even though I was panicking and fuming the whole way. Stupid Dib, stupid Gir, stupid situation in general…stupid Irken stupid tallest stupid house stupid earth with its stupid acid. I hated this place. More than anything I wanted to go home. But, home was here now.

I slammed open the door to Dib's house without knocking. Gaz was sitting on the couch, with Dib and Gir nowhere to be found. I yanked on my hair and growled to myself. Why did I think it was a good idea to leave Gir with Dib of all people? He could be dissecting him as I stood there! Thankfully Gaz decided to speak up.

"They went to Mcmeaties."

"Ugh, thanks." I stomped out of the house and slammed the door closed. Why did they go to Mcmeaties of all places? Besides having horrible food, Gir still didn't have his suit! I was still trying to decide whether it was a good or bad thing that Dib was with him. At least it was better than him being alone. I had also forgotten to give Gaz back her video game, but I would do that on the way back. Right now, I just wanted to get Gir back in my general vicinity so he wouldn't do anything stupid.

I walked to Mcmeaties, actually enjoying the distraction a little. Trying to keep Gir out of trouble was entertainment of a sort, and it kept me from dwelling on odd subjects. Including Dib and his weird smile thingy. And Irken, and the Tallest, and my PAK.

Suddenly, something small barreled into my chest and I landed on my back on the pavement. I looked up to see a small boy sitting on my chest, with Dib standing next to him holding bags of grease. On second glance, the small boy was Gir.

"Master!" Gir was wearing a pair of jeans that were cut at his ankle. A huge sweatshirt covered him, along with a hood, and he was wearing a pair of black gloves although one finger was hanging off limply.

"Gir?" I blinked and sat up. "What are you-"

Suddenly he started talking very fast. "I wanted to go get some meat shakes but Dib wanted me to stay and then I was going to go anyway but then he said Master wanted me to stay so instead of staying Dib put some human clothes on me and we went to get meat!"

I sighed and stood up, picking up Gir and holding him with one arm to my chest, the way I saw the humans with little children do on TV. I glanced to Dib and didn't say anything while I made my way to a dark alley with Gir. Of course, Dib decided to follow.

"You're welcome. Also, you owe me the honest answer to three questions." He almost skipped beside me happily. We entered the dark alley and I kneeled down, setting Gir on the ground. I told him not to move and he did his best, although he did squirm a bit. I unzipped the sweat shirt and pulled his arms out of it. I noticed Dib was looking at me oddly again.

"What is it Dib-monkey?" I gently began taking off Gir's pants.

He cocked his head at me. "I've never seen you…be so gentle." I scowled and slid Gir's legs into the black legs of the dog suit.

"Gir is an important part of my mission. I can't risk damaging him-"

Dib smiled again, that odd thing that held some kind of…emotion I couldn't identify. "That's a lie. You have a soft spot for Gir." It wasn't a question, so I decided not to answer as I zipped up the suit. I stood up and brushed the dirt off my knees, bending over slightly. I straightened to see Dib looking very intently at the wall. I shook my head. I don't understand humans at all. As I turned and began walking towards the street, Gir grabbed my hand.

I sighed but didn't argue. Maybe I did have a soft spot for the robot, was that a problem? I was a defective after all, and that includes having emotions that Irkens usually don't. Dib came up beside me and matched my pace.

"So, I'm going to cash in my questions now." He smiled evilly and I bit my lip. Then again, what did I have to hide? It's not like I was trying to destroy the world anymore. "So, first question. Why are you being so nice?"

I looked over to him disbelievingly. "What are you talking about? Zim is not nice in the slightest."

Dib shrugged. "It's your own way of being nice. Well, you're not trying to kill me anymore."

"Same goes to you." Just because I wasn't wasting my time trying to kill him means I'm being nice? I must be going soft.

"I was just wondering why. I mean I came over to your house and you didn't try to shoot me or trap me or even poison me." Dib continued to stare at me.

"Again, I should be saying the same thing." We began to follow the long route to my house, passing Dib's on the way so I could give Gaz back her game.

"Okay, I'll rephrase the question. Why aren't you trying to kill me?"

I stopped and turned to him. "You want me to destroy you? I will, you know."

He raised an eyebrow. "No, you won't…Why won't you?"

I shrugged and continued walking. "It's a waste of time. I've got better things to do, I guess."

"Like study?"

"Yes, like study for your stupid human classes."

"Speaking of…"

"NO."

"You haven't even-"

"I'm fine."

"Really? Then whats 3x+34=7x-20?"

I eyed him warily. "What doesn't sound like a question."

He folded his arms and raised an eyebrow at me. "Well it is. Can you figure it out?"

I squeezed Gir's hand as he attempted to chase a bird. "I suppose I could add a few algorithms with my computer-"

"I'm coming over."

"No."

"You need to study or you'll fail-"

"Not a chance on Irk." I flinched, but thankfully no one seemed to notice.

"-and you'll have to work at Mcmeaties your whole life."

Shit, he had a point. I didn't want to work at Mcmeaties, but then again I didn't want help from the Dib-stink! If I'm going to be stuck here my whole life, I need to at least get a job or career! I eyed Dib and didn't answer.

"I'll take that as a grudgingly yes." Dib said, with that weird smile of his. God, he was annoying.

I hate that bald monkey.


	5. Feeling?

Thanks so much for the reviews! They give me courage to KEEP WRITING! Oh, and if you want to help get Invader Zim back on TV, visit Operation Head Pigeons 2.0 on Facebook!

-Zim-

I still hadn't gone down to the basement.

Every time I thought of my evil, though awesome, plans; I began to feel another odd sensation. This was like a tingling in my squeedlyspooch that felt like I had just eaten some kind of earth-meat. I thought of the look the tallest had given me, the pain that shot through my body at their words. It's…over. I was no longer an Invader, so what was I to do? Continue my drab existence on this planet? I had no orders to follow.

I briefly thought about deactivating myself and Gir.

I was basically just preventing the inevitable. If I looked at it logically, it was only a matter of time before Dib actually wins and I get caught by the humans. That, or sometime in the future the Irken invasion force will expand the territory to this point. Then what will I do? Either I'll be destroyed with the rest of Earth, or put on trial again and THEN destroyed.

It seemed as though my future was set. I could always leave Earth, set out as far away from the Irken empire as I could. Running away wasn't very Irken of me, but then I could live for maybe…a little longer.

I'll figure it out later, I decided. After all, it would be at least six months before the Armada could even get here. The thing is, the longer I waited, the more this weird feeling came over me.

I didn't want to die.

"Hey." I literally jumped out of my chair, but I will continue to insist it was because my lightning-fast reflexes and not because I was startled. Dib was standing in the doorway, holding a bag of snacks and some soda. He raised his eyebrow at me and held out the snacks slowly.

I didn't take them. "What are you still doing here worm-baby? It's night time!" I paused and looked out the window. It was indeed very dark outside. The big headed teen had stayed all day, looking at me weird and 'helping' with homework. I hated it. "Don't humans hibernate during this time? Go away."

He slinked closer, still staring at me with one eyebrow raised and looking slightly surprised. "I have some trouble sleeping, so I might as well study than lay in bed all night. _You_ don't sleep, right?" He even spoke slowly, like he was multitasking in the stupid human brain of his.

I snorted. Irkens, sleeping? Why would we? My PAK gives me everything I need, unlike these inferior animals called humans. Irkens stopped sleeping when the Control Brains came and advanced our species with the PAK. "No, I don't sleep." I rolled my eyes, knowing that once again, I would have to accept his offer of help. I didn't want to, but I did. Why did I?

The Dib-Stink shoved the chips and soda in my hand and grabbed my elbow, yanking me from the secluded room I was in into the kitchen. He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "You're going to ace that test with my help!"

I stumbled and tried not to fall and drop the food I was holding. Was he…trying to make me feel better? But I am ZIM! I feel nothing, and even if I did IT WOULD NOT BE SADNESS! I don't need him to make me feel better. Although the puckish feeling in my squeedlyspooch did lessen.

The sides of my mouth twitched and I forced it down.

Irkens do not _smile_. Unless they were destroying something, of course.

He was still dragging me along to the kitchen and I felt that my face was…itchy. Worried, I shoved the food into one hand and brought the other one up. Did I have another grease pimple? Instead, I found my face was wet. But not my whole face, just my cheeks. I used the sleeve on my arm to whip it off, following the wetness from my chin to my eyes. When did I get a wet face?

No wonder Dib was looking at me oddly.

I spent the rest of the…night making sure I wasn't leaking from somewhere. Of course, I couldn't let the Dib-stink know about this leakage, so I would put my hand on my face to make sure there was no wetness when I thought he wasn't looking. Once or twice he caught me out of the corner of his eye, but the stupid human just frowned, thought nothing of it and continued doing….stuff.

It was odd, we spent the night doing homework with random breaks of me sneaking off to watch TV with Gir and Dib having to come and drag me back. The human also helped himself to my food, although he usually grabbed something for me as well.

It had only been a couple of days, and yet this seemed normal already.

It was around four in the morning when I managed to sneak away and the Dib-stink hadn't come to drag me back yet. I had left him alone for about half an hour already, and it usually only took five minutes for him to come and get me. I was beginning to get worried. How could I leave Dib of all people alone in my house? He'd been trying to sneak in here for ages!

In fact, he was probably only 'helping' me so he could find some evidence and dissect me. The thought didn't repulse me as much as it should have. Had I given up that much?

Although if they captured me, then they would capture the small robot sleeping on my head. And I couldn't have that happening, could I? I gently set Gir on the couch and stood, stretching. I wondered what Dib had found already…And how I could stop him and the human police from getting Gir.

I began my search in the kitchen, where it abruptly ended. Dib was there, his head lying on the table. His breath ruffled the papers underneath him gently. It took me a few moments to understand. This was…sleeping. Dib's eyes were closed and he looked relaxed, every muscle slumped.

Not only was he sleeping, but he wasn't infiltrating, like I thought he was. My body felt a little warmer for some reason as I looked at him. He wasn't spying, doing strange things in my basement. He was simply…sleeping. I had worried for nothing.

I sighed. And now I had a human body sprawled across my table. My first thought was to throw him outside, but that would make him wake up, which would make him be mad at me. I had the instinctual feeling that I didn't want Dib to be mad at me. Probably because he's my only hope at passing the test.

Instead, I slipped my arms around him and scooped him up. He was rather light, actually. But maybe that's because I'm just stronger than humans in general. After wiggling for a moment, my center of balance was balanced again and I made my way to the bedroom that was never used. Well, Gir might use it once and a while, but usually he fell asleep watching TV in the living room.

I huffed in annoyance at having to carry the human, but somehow I smiled. "Stupid human." I muttered in Irken. I kicked the door open slowly and entered the dark room. Thanks to my ocular implants, I could see just fine. I sat on the side of the bed and leaned down, sliding the sleeping Dib off my shoulder and onto the mattress. I tried my best to be silent and not wake him up as I leaned over even more, ending up an inch away from his face as I grabbed a pillow.

Sliding my hand under his head, I lifted the human's skull up and with the other hand I inched the pillow underneath. My muscles twitched and I wanted to end this increasingly close contact with the Dib-stink, but if I dropped his head he would defiantly wake up. Still, it wasn't as bad as I thought. His hair was really soft, and the skin underneath was warm and slightly furry unlike Irkens, who had skin like reptiles. Although I wasn't scaled, my green skin was slightly colder and unblemished. Human skin was so…unique. It was always different, depending on the human.

I set his head down slowly and pulled a blanket up to his chin. I sighed. Finally, I could get away from this contact! It was making my chest warm, and my PAK was sending me distress signals. I stood gently and turned around. I wondered what Gir was going to be doing the rest of the night, and reminded myself to put some kind of tracker on him. Also; spending some time fixing his systems would be good, and I myself could use a tune-up. I made my way towards the door. My body was experiencing some strange symptoms anyway…

Suddenly, my wrist was grabbed tightly and I was yanked around. I yelped as I was pulled down, throwing my hand out to catch me. My open hand landed next to Dib's head and his hand tightened around my left wrist. He smiled evilly at me and I frowned, the heat rushing to my face.

"I'm a light sleeper." He growled.

"I thought you were brain tired!" I half-shouted, afraid of actually shouting because my face was about two inches away from Dib's. He just smiled more, and it was actually freaking me out.

"Hate me?" There was that smile again, this time accompanied by an odd look in his eyes, if that makes any sense.

"I always hate you worm-baby." I managed to yank my wrist out of his hand and stand up. "Now either leave or sleep before I knock you out myself."

Dib sighed and wiggled under the blankets. "Alright Shorty, no need to get violent."

My eye twitched and I tried not to explode. Short. I'm NOT short compared to MY race. In fact, I was rather tall now! Humans are tall. "Stop talking Stinky, before I really show you the meaning of violent." I waltzed off, trying to contain my dignity as I heard him laugh behind my back.


	6. Death and Tears

-Zim-

I fell onto the couch and frowned. Dib was adding more questions to my processing than me being banished! Why was he giving me those looks, why was he being nice? Did he know something? No, that's impossible. The Dib-stink couldn't know anything! Right?

I stared blankly at the TV screen for a while. Gir clambered up into my lap and curled like a puppy, his eye lights dimming as he fell 'asleep'. I wasn't really paying attention to the TV, I was more concerned with the odd sensations that kept accumulating.

I really should have run a self diagnostic. Something was wrong, I could feel it. My head felt like it was filled with cotton, and was throbbing painfully. My back hurt, for some reason. I could barely feel my body, and my eyes kept going out of focus. My eyes tried to close again, and my head bounced as I snapped up. What was going on? I couldn't think straight, and the sun was coming up. How long had I been sitting here?

Why wasn't my PAK working properly? I felt like some circuits were being mixed up, my processing slow and unusual. Random. Things were popping up that weren't connected to my current situation or environment at all. It didn't make any sense, it felt like my PAK was malfunctioning.

For some reason, that felt like irony.

The ground started to sway beneath me and my eyes blinked slowly. I struggled to open them again, but they felt like they weighed a hundred pounds. My antenna twitched as the door opened behind me, a little to the left. I swayed back and forth and I heard a yawn.

My body shivered as I remembered Dib was here. I wanted to jump up and yell, do something that would convince him I was normal. Well, as normal as I could be. I struggled to move before he noticed me swaying, but my legs wouldn't obey. The ground turned back and forth and I had the thought that even if I could stand, I wouldn't be standing for long.

"Zim?" I shook my head blearily as his voice reached me. Was I dying? I couldn't move my body, my muscles wouldn't obey me. After all I've been through, I was going to die of some mysterious infection or something? I couldn't! I wouldn't!

My eyes shot open to see Dib standing in front of me, one arm reaching out and looking concerned. "Zim? Are you okay?" My eyes drooped and the world spun again. Then I realized I was shaking my head, back and forth. I wasn't okay, was I?

"D-Di…" The world came crashing down, the floor streaming up towards my face. I blinked, and I was being cradled in black arms. Dib's hand was on my back, the other holding me up. "Dib." My eyes began to prickle, and the wetness came down my face. That's right, crying. I, the great Invader Zim, was crying. Oh how many times I have cried since my banishment. It hurt. Something deep inside me hurt, the pain coming over me in waves. It made my eyes leak and my throat dry.

"Zim, tell me what's wrong! Please!" He sounded panicked. Why was he so afraid? He looked so sad, fearful. It made me hurt more.

I smiled as the world turned again, Dib's face appearing in my view. I managed a weak, sad smile. That's right, it was called sadness. "Don't…don't let me die. Dib…" I didn't want to die. I didn't want to die. Not yet. I've lived for 162 earth years, and I've done nothing! I had something to live for didn't I? Panic surged through my body. I didn't want…to die.

I watched as Dib's face crumpled. His mouth was moving, saying things so fast I couldn't understand. Was my translator malfunctioning? Maybe it was just…my PAK. Doing weird things…without me. Did that make any sense? His mouth was still moving, but my ears couldn't hear any more anyway. His eyes were leaking too.

I saw Gir next to me, pulling on my arm, his mouth stretched wide. Was he screaming? I couldn't even feel the tug on my arm. But I could feel my other arm reaching up. Dib was still talking, slowly lowering me until I was on the ground. He was leaning over me, screaming, almost shaking me with his hands.

I smiled and his mouth shut abruptly as my hand landed on his cheek. My hand was weak, I was sliding down gently. I don't know why, but I wanted to be closer. I wanted to be closer to his skin, closer to his human smell and warmth.

His eyes were wide, staring at me. My hand began to fall, and he grabbed it hastily, pressing it against his cheek. He began to speak again, slowly. I couldn't hear, but that was okay.

His skin was warm and soft against my palm. The world went dark, I think my eyes closed. My body went limp, and the last thing I felt was water, slightly stinging the back of my hand as it streamed down Dib's face and onto me.


	7. MY BRAIN

-Zim-

The world came into being like it was never gone. All memories of the previous place were gone, and suddenly there was a white ceiling and a strange warmth on my hand. I could feel everything, and my thoughts weren't scrambled. I struggled to remember what had happened before, but everything was blurry.

I turned my head to see Dib, laying with his head next to my arm, his hand wrapped in mine. I stared for a few moments, taking in the strange sight and the comfort of his hand in mine. He was snoring softly, and I sat up quietly, trying not to wake him. His hand was warm and comforting against my bare skin, and my fingers were intertwined with his loosely.

I had been lying in the spare bedroom. Was I unconscious? Something was wrong, and something was different too. The world was the same, the same colors and the same place but it still was…different. Like looking through glass my whole life without even knowing it, and then the glass is down. What was different? What was going on? I decided the best way to solve all these questions was to go down to the lab and figure some things out.

"Zim?" I flinched and turned my head. Dib was sitting up, rubbing his eye with his free hand. As the heat rushed to my face, I pulled my hand away from his and frowned, glancing away. Judging from the window, I had been…unconscious for a few hours at least. "Zim you're awake!" Dib leaned forward, a huge smile plastered on his big head. "Gir, Zim's awake he's okay!"

Before I could say anything, a small bundle of blue and silver came blasting at me from the other room. We tumbled off the bed with a slight "oof" and landed on the ground. Dib leaned over, his smile incredibly wide, and another strange look in his eyes.

"Master master master we thought you were deaded!" Gir tugged on my arm, tears welling in his eyes. I smiled slightly, a strange feeling welling inside me.

"I'm fine." I struggled with myself for a moment. On one side, I wanted to grab Gir and not let go. But on the other hand, I knew I was an Invader, which meant I needed to get to the bottom of this strange feeling and behavior.

I shook my head. I still had a slight headache, and these…feelings were making me want to puke. What were they? I couldn't identify them. Well, I was defective. Maybe that's exactly what they were…feelings. Still, I had important work to do, and I couldn't let them get in the way!

I pushed Gir off gently and stood up, wobbling for a moment. Dib reached out his hand, but pulled back when I sent him a glare. I rolled my shoulders and walked to the living room, where I knew Dib would follow.

"Zim, are you okay? You just….collapsed. It was weird." He sounded confused and worried. I do not need that human to be worried about me! I felt a turning in my lower chest when I remembered the last moments before I feel unconscious. I needed to solve this…feeling thing! And fast.

I swirled around and planted my feet, glaring at the Dib. This had to end.

"Dib-stink, you are to leave now. I no longer require assistance working on school work. You have no purpose remaining here."

The Dib flinched and stared at me. "Zim, I-"

I rolled my eyes. "There is no argument to be made. You are a stinky, disgusting human who is infecting my base. Leave now." I pointed to the door. That should have been clear enough.

But Dib wouldn't give up. "Something is wrong with you Zim! You fell unconscious!"

"Irrelevant." I looked to the door and back at the Dib. I tried to ignore Gir in the corner, tears streaming down his face.

Dib planted his feet. "I want to help find out what's wrong."

"I neither want nor need your help!" My antenna twitched with irritation. "I despise you Worm-baby! More than I have despised anything on this horrible planet! Leave and enjoy the sun that is out today, because I will destroy you and this PLANET!" For some reason, it felt like the right thing to say.

Dib' face crumpled and he looked to the ground. "This really didn't…change anything?"

For some reason, I flinched as well. It was hard to breathe. "I want you to leave."

The human looked up at me, eyes wet. "Zim, I had thought that this…Before I leave, I just want to say something!" His back straightened and an odd look came to his wet eyes. "I-"

"Don't care." I scowled. "Pitiful human. Leave before I throw you out!"

His fist clenched and he took a deep breath, nodding. He didn't say anything as he walked to the door, eyes straight forward.

And he left. The door closed behind him slowly.

Gir was still crying in the corner and I took a deep breath.

And another.

It was like Dib took all the air from the house when he went away. There was none left for me. I took another breath, my head making things spin. I felt like curling up into a ball and letting water leak from my eyes, but I shook my head. I had things to do. My legs wobbled as I made my way to the lab, and I found myself thinking about how I could apologize. Or turn time backwards. As the minutes passed, I found myself wishing I hadn't said those things.

I took goo from my veins and inserted it into the computer. I conducted scans, entered data. But I wasn't thinking about that at all. I was still thinking about the Dib human, and what he was doing now. Had he gone home? What did he think of me?

I decided to turn on the radio to distract me. Maybe it would even make Gir come out of hiding and smile. I went back to work as the music started. I was checking my PAK and its interference levels when I suddenly stopped. The music was saying something…

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?  
>Can't live, can't breathe with no air<br>It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
>There's no air, no air<em>

_Got me out here in the water so deep  
>Tell me how you gon' be without me?<br>If you ain't here I just can't breathe  
>There's no air, no air<em>

No air? I thought of Dib and the way his face crumpled, and once again I couldn't breathe. What…was this a human feeling? I rushed over to the radio and turned the channel with a click of a button. I never used to listen to music very much, it never held any interest. But now…that I knew what they were talking about…another song came on.

_Sometimes I get so weird  
>I even freak myself out<br>I laugh myself to sleep  
>It's my lullaby<br>Sometimes I drive so fast  
>Just to feel the danger<br>I wanna scream  
>It makes me feel alive<em>

_Is it enough to love?  
>Is it enough to breathe?<br>Somebody rip my heart out  
>And leave me here to bleed<br>Is it enough to die?  
>Somebody save my life<br>I'd rather be anything but ordinary please_

Heart? I placed my hand on my chest. I felt the thumping that was my squeedlyspooch, pushing goo through my veins. I turned the music up, the beat pulsing through my body. I ran to an unoccupied screen and began searching through the internet.

A heart was an organ, I knew that. But somehow, it was used for something more? There was so much information on feelings, which somehow people relate to the heart when really it comes from the brain. That part made me panic. My brain wasn't being used, and the PAK was my brain. How could-

A beeping came from behind me along with a flash of red light. The information was done processing. I turned slowly, looking at the little black shadow diagram that was me. My PAK levels…they were going down. But my brain.

My brain was being…reactivated?

I clutched my head. The headaches! But how could this be? Irkens haven't used their brains in generations! My breathing became erratic and I sat on the cold floor.

"Computer, explain the loss of PAK activity."

"Every PAK is equipped with a back-up-system. When the PAK is damaged irreversibly, it re-routs all essential processing back to the brain."

I looked around in panic. "But…my brain!"

"On a normal occasion, the PAK would alert the collective. As it happens, a signal was sent. However the Armada have yet to send a replacement PAK."

"BUT MY BRAIN!"

"…Er, yes. The PAK previously intercepted all incoming and outgoing messages from your brain. Now, it seems your brain is slowly taking back the system. This also means that your body will go back to the state it was before the Control brains. Meaning you will have feelings, reproductive organs, free will-"

"FREE WILL?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I can't handle that! What was I supposed to do, if not destroy? Does this mean I can CHOOSE what I do? How do I do that!

I was losing my mind. In reality I WAS ACTUALLY LOSING MY MIND! I screamed at the top of my lungs again! "HOW CAN WE REVERSE THE PROCESS?"

The computer coughed. "I'm sorry Master, but the PAK is irreversibly damaged."

But that means…will I still be defective? Will my…brain work properly? How did this happen?

Then it hit me. The shock. The shock that Dib applied to my PAK, trying to disable me. Dib did this to me.

I felt wetness assault my cheeks again. I was losing touch with the Irkens. I've been banished, and now I was even more of a defective then before. Without my PAK, I wasn't even Irken. I was some kind of extinct species that died off when the Control brains came!

One part of me was saying that. One part of me was mourning the loss of connection to the collective. The other part wasn't. The other part was mad. That emotion I could identify. The free will was already pushing me forward, my anger to the control brains for enslaving my race. Making us believe that we were something else.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. I was being torn in half, my brain and PAK both having some part of my thoughts. Why can't I have my own thoughts? The Irken race, my PAK and brain, my emotions, Dib-

I glanced at the elevator that could take me out. I could go outside, go to Dib. Beg for him to forgive me, anything that could get rid of this pained feeling inside me.

"Computer." I muttered. "Explain these…'Emotions' to me."

I wanted to know about this pain that left me breathless.


	8. Again: Feelings?

-Zim-

For weeks my basement lab has been empty. I hadn't set foot downstairs for what seemed like forever. Now the normally clean space was filled with papers, notes, and Wikipedia pages I had printed out from the human's internet. My brain felt like it was overheating from exertion, which my PAK confirmed. No longer could I simply download information, I had to work for it. Read it, think about it. I was beginning to get tired too, and remembered that because my 'normal' processes were coming back online meant that I had to sleep to recharge.

There was so much information to gain. So many different emotions, but the most interesting was the thing called "Love". Hours were flying by as I researched, talked to the Computer, and studied human anatomy. This fascination with hearts- Valentine's day, boxes of chocolate- doesn't have anything to do with the emotion center in a brain! It was all very confusing.

Humans had so many rites of passage, so many rituals that had to be preformed for the simple act of mating. Somehow, they had significance. I could understand the need to touch, that was a part of mating. But holding hands did not serve any purpose! Neither did cuddling, or BUYING things for the other one. Then again, I was the first of my species to even step foot in this territory for perhaps thousands of years. My body had forgotten what it was to mate.

Occasionally I would think back to Dib- what he was doing now and whether or not he hated me. He was most likely in school. It had been at least 40 hours since I last saw him. All that time, spent in the lab researching and stuffing my brain full of things. Every second seemed like an hour, every minute like an eternity of him hating me. I spent the time in agony, the only release being distracting myself with information.

So I studied. I had forgotten about the test-I could always make it up later. I had forgotten to eat. I had forgotten to sleep. I was learning, exploring space unknown and uninteresting before. Meanwhile, my PAK slowly got further and further away from my spinal cord. It frightened me. I was disconnected, floating in a distant planet far away and floating further. I was no longer…me. I didn't know what to do. Because I had…a choice?

I knew one thing, I couldn't tell Dib. At least the part about me doubting my species. About me being banished. I had to hold onto that. Again, I thought of Dib. He wasn't even here, a part of my life no longer. I told him I hated him, despised him. It wasn't true. I wanted to beg him to forget, but I knew I wouldn't. I couldn't. Just thinking of the whole situation made my chest hurt, my breathing shorten. It made my…no, it made me sad.

I was worried, sad, hurt, embarrassed, fretful and disgusted with myself. At least I could name them now. But I didn't move. I didn't move from my chair, I simply laid my head down on the papers and closed my eyes.

I fell into blissful sleep. No emotions, no thoughts and no worries.

I was shocked awake by the computer's voice. "Intruder alert!" It sounded. My head snapped up and I blinked in surprise. Where was I? I had forgotten for a moment before remembering where and what I was. I was downstairs, in the dark. Alone. Even Gir wouldn't talk to me anymore. The computer planted a screen in front of me and I wearily checked to see who, of all people, was at my door.

Dib pounded at the purple slab of wood, a worried look on his face. "Zim, Zim are you in there? Open up! Hey!" I leapt up when I saw him, like a shock going through my body. I didn't really care why he was here. I didn't really care what he was doing, or why he looked worried. All I cared about was him. Being here. Knocking on my door, after I sent him away!

In the back of my mind (Maybe it was my PAK) a little voice told me to ask him for help. He's a genius and his father is a scientist. Maybe he can fix my emotions! They were sending me for quite a confusing ride.

For instance, when I saw Dib I bounded into the elevator and tapped my foot impatiently while I rode up. I quickly flattened my antennas and put a pink hat on over them while I waited. My stomach curled with…anticipation? I was confused, but at the same time strangely happy. The elevator spat me up in the kitchen and I wobbled to the door. My head hurt again, and my squeedlyspooch felt like it was being punched with a dodge ball. When was the last time I ate?

"Dib?" I opened the door slowly, hiding behind it when the light came and blinded my eyes. I blinked a few times and shook my head. It was really, really bright, like the sun was on extra hot today. I looked up to see Dib, and this time I could identify the emotions crossing his face. Confusion, then relief. Then, a tad bit of sadness. His pointy hair, his long black jacket at the way he looked at me with those eyes- I shook my head again. Damn, stupid, inferior emotions. I had to fix this.

"Zim?" He eyed me carefully. "Are you okay?" I nodded. "You're uh…hiding from the light and you don't have your contacts in."

I smiled weakly. It felt like ages since I had heard his voice. "I forgot." With my thoughts whirling and my belly hurting, I didn't even care.

I saw him raise one eyebrow. "You didn't come to school. I thought-since you fainted… I was worried. But you're okay…so-"

"I'm fine physically." I felt a little happier. He was worried about me. Which means he doesn't hate me, on some level.

He frowned. "Well, I was just wondering. So, now you're okay. I'll just…" He turned to leave.

I reached out, squinting from the sudden sunlight, and latched onto his sleeve. "Dib, I really need your help." My shoulder hunched a little, trying to hide my face from the sun. I did spend a lot of time in the lab.

"More math?" He sounded mad that time, spiteful.

"Dib-"

"I can't." He turned and looked at me like I was hurting him. My hand fell from his sleeve limply in surprise. "I can't be here. Seeing you…" He flinched and turned his head. Like I was some kind of monster. Then he started to walk again.

He was leaving. I was seeing his back again.

I can't bear it.

I don't want to see his back!

My knees crumpled as I clutched the door and slid to the floor. I need someone's help…I need his help! Even if it doesn't help, I'd feel better with him here! He's leaving again, leaving me with no air to breath and excess tears to cry.

I felt like I was dying. Rotting, from the inside out.

Why did I need him so much? Why does his sadness, his hate, his anger hurt me?

"Master, you're letting him go ways again." Gir was beside me, touching me lightly. I could only nod numbly, my eyes watering. "I'm sorry."

"Don't say that." I muttered. It wasn't right...it was too final. I watched as Dib turned the corner to go down the street and I clutched the door harder. Like it could keep me from dying inside.

"No Master. That's what you should say. Say you're sorry."

I blinked. And watched as Dib's jacket disappeared behind a house. It was so simple! All this time researching the humans and Gir new more than me! I stumbled up, grabbing the door frame and pushed myself outside. I staggered, weak I think from lack of nutrition. I lurched my way, tripping over my own feet trying to run and I made it to the fence. I could see him again.

I could see his back.

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth.

"I'm sorry!" I paused and put one hand up to hide my eyes from the sun, the red light seemingly burning my eyelids. I was also hiding the wetness that was threatening. "I didn't mean what I said! I was confused and scared and I'm even more scared now and I need you!" I swallowed dryly. It hurt so much, and I swear I was blushing. "Please, don't leave."

_Don't leave…_the wind tickled my face.

I could hear leaves blow by my feet. _I need you._

I was afraid to open my eyes. _I can't bear you not being here._

I was afraid to see his back. _It hurts without you._

Why was it so bright out? _Please. I can't be like this._

Seconds ticked by. My shoulders began to shake. He was gone by now. And I was still standing here, waiting. Stuck in time for something that was past already. I had failed. _Again_.

A shadow fell over me and I blinked my eyes open. It was…darker? I could finally see and I straightened, peeking over my arm.

Dib was looking at me, his head cocked to the side. I was almost glad he was taller than me, he blocked out the sun perfectly. He had a slight, very slight, smile on his face. "Why did you say that then? Do you really hate me?" His eyes watched me carefully.

I shook my head numbly. I could feel my brain rocking around in there. "I don't hate you. So please don't hate me. I didn't mean anything I said, really." I gave him a look. "Please don't make me grovel."

He smiled wider that time. "Would you? The mighty alien invader Zim would grovel?"

I almost cried when I saw him smile. "Invader's gotta do what an Invader's gotta do."

Dib's eyes crinkled as he looked at me and sighed. "Zim, I can practically see your ribs. When was the last time you ate anything?"

It took my brain a second to catch up. "Eaten…I ate chips with you and Gir."

His eyes widened. "That was a few days ago, you know." His brown eyes bore into mine. "And at first I thought you were blushing, but your whole face is red." He leaned forward and before I could move, he moved my hat and put his forehead on mine.

My body didn't respond to me as I closed my eyes and yawned, slightly moaning at the coolness of his huge forehead. Through half-lidded eyes, I saw his eyes fill with worry, and that other emotion I couldn't identify. Tenderness, maybe?

"You have a fever you idiot."

"Shut up no I don't."

"Yes, you do." He slowly removed his head from mine and I barely noticed the redness on his own cheeks. "Come on let's get you some food." He took my upper arm and began to drag me back to my house. He looked back and smiled. "And you need to explain to me why you're shying away from the sun."

"'tis to bright." I muttered simply. "And I have lots more than that to explain to you." I stumbled and bumped into him, and he righted me and began to walk slower. His hand moved from my arm to my other shoulder, guiding me.

He laughed as we entered the door. "Great. I want to know everything.

Gir screamed in happiness and barreled into us both.


End file.
